Friday, April 3, 2020

In case of doubt, keep silent

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Ms. Hain, are you busy right now?

It works, the home office phase has just really started. My advice takes place under the safety precautions offered in my practice – or by video conversation, but that was already the case before Corona. We already expect that there will be a lot to do in the near future – even after the worst is over. It is still completely unclear how long this will take and which conflicts await us.

What do you advise couples who get on their nerves in the household, because normally?

First I look for the triggers. If the couple spends a lot of time together at home, I recommend giving each other space, finding time for themselves, not doing everything together. To explore how much should be in common and how much should be different. There is nothing more boring than being married to yourself. It is also important to first ask the other person how much closeness and distance he or she wants. Not everyone can assess their partner as well as he or she believes.

Now Corona has tightened the relationship situation at home: everyone is sitting at home, children are raging, and they have to work on the side. You get to know your partner from a completely new perspective. What sensitive issues have you achieved so far?

So far, I have the impression that people are very positive about the new situation. It has to do with the chaos around us. Many make up for this chaos through reason and rational behavior. But precisely because the social contacts are missing, because you are much more closely tied to your partner, I expect an additional burden. The topic of resilience also plays a role here. How well do you adapt?

Honestly, are people even made to endure such a situation, or can it just go wrong?

We are not made for that. We are social beings – and used to move freely. But the period from which we start is not one of several years. We are talking about a few weeks. Such stresses can also survive without damage. The most important needs are assured. Many are familiar with such new, more intensive phases of living together from certain life situations, for example when both partners retire – or, more suddenly, at Christmas.

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